Who you callin' stupid?

Me.

Why is my sweet son Griffin seemingly reluctant to go off to college in the fall?  "It's the epilepsy, stupid".  Survivor guilt or he is worried about his twin, pick one.  Ambulance summoning seizures were part of Griffin's childhood.  Missing parents attending to Cesare's hospital stays.  I can see why he might be a little reticent to fly off from the nest.

Cesare is being awarded his high school diploma in June, so why does he walk around looking so daft?  I remember an interview with Susan Axelrod about this.  She is the founder of "The Cure" a foundation that awards grants to individuals who dream up new treatments for epilepsy.  She said she wished she could hang a sign on her daughter's back for those who would stare at her obviously slower gate that read something along the lines of "It's the epilepsy, stupid".  The medications are crippling.  But I need that sign too, sometimes.  I get frustrated with how long it sometimes takes Cesare to answer a question.  If I him ask what he'd like to do today, I need to pack a lunch. His processing is sooo slow.  Thank you medications, and thank you thousands of seizures.

I drift through my weekends with nothing to show for them when they are over.  I am directionless and very, very tired.  Why can't I be more productive? Work out, clean, hike, bike, take the boys to a museum or hell, a movie? "It's the epilepsy, stupid."  I need to monitor Cesare  at night.  He's a nocturnal seizer.  Sounds like a description from National Geographic.  He sometimes clusters at night and I need to give him Ativan to stop the clusters.  On a recent check in with his doc in New York she asked what I do at night when he's had a seizure.  I reluctantly shared my neurotic tendency to lay my hand on is chest and see if he's breathing.  "That's what you should be doing", she said.  So I nap a lot.